THE MOUNTAIN

Image source Images.unsplash.com

You are in no position to expect anything from a person just because you love them. You love, against all odds. You love despite. You love alone. It has nothing to do with the other person. It is only a bonus if the person you love, loves you back, but not a necessity.

To the ones who misunderstand, being in love seems risky and dangerous. Because it is just you. Driving up a steep mountain on a narrow road. At full speed, in bad weather, in a car you can barely afford. Anything can happen and you don’t know if you will make it to the top. You don’t know if you will win. But for you it was never about finding level ground or coming down. It was about the process. That danger of uncertainty. That fear mixed with excitement. And in that moment as you speed up feeling every bit of cell in your body responding, relying on nothing but your instincts and feelings, the moment you feel most alive. Love is Frisson. You know that, you may crash and burn in destruction but you don’t care. I am ready to be a martyr. To live or to die, in the name of love, retains the highest of honors.

 And perhaps, just perhaps you make it to the top. How wonderful that would be. You get to say, after all the red flags and clear warnings, the fear in my chest, the faulty breaks, the rough rocky roads, I made it to the top.

But do you really climb the mountain? Or do you just sit back and accept love from someone else, thinking that it is clever? That is called being lazy in the face of love. And that is alright if it is what you want. What you should not do is disrespect the name of love and say that you feel it too. Because you don’t. That easy, quiet nest you are sitting on, that is not love. Love is a mountain of avalanches. Murderous. And unless you have been there, in that moment, then sorry, you don’t know.

Being in love is not terrible. Understanding what it means is the only hurdle you have to overcome. That love is unrequited and hopeless. And once you are able to live with it, that fear turns to excitement and every storm, feels like a shower of scented flowers. Each time you try to love again, you once again find yourself racing to your end. But you do it anyway because you have finally understood. You welcome it with open arms.

Because of the strength and courage required from being in love we often feel that we are doing that person a favor and quite often expect something in return. We feel if we push further, a little bit of pressure and we get that love because we deserve it the most. We couldn't be more wrong. As an ideal lover, you cannot make such demands and therefore should not be upset when they are not met. That is the thrill of the ride. We are not here for the safe stop on level ground.

Unfortunately, you fear that journey and you have no way to conquer it, so you ridicule. You attach love to hopelessness. You decide that you do not believe in it. You attribute it to silly romance stories, laughing at the hero who fought for love. Didn’t William Wallace? Didn’t Django? Because you cannot summon the courage to do it yourself, it has now become impossible. A lie.

What it is, is that you are under the influence of the fight or flight response. The psychological reaction that occurs in the presence of imminent danger. As a primate, those are your only two options. To either stay and fight, or to run away. No pressure. It is your choice. Your one chance to define yourself. Are you a fighter or a runner? Not many are fighters. They try to outsmart and cheat the system by saying things like ‘Love is subjective.’ ‘Love is different for everyone.’ No dear, there is only one type of love. Whatever it is that holds too many defining terms will always have problems. As such, love is not the problem, you are. Be brave enough to say that you did not climb that mountain because you were afraid, too proud. You couldn’t live on the terms of love.

Know this that once you understand, the fear will go, the hurt and the pain will go. And you are left with nothing but bliss. Does loving someone who does not love you back make you weak? No it does not. As SRK once said, “There is nothing like the power of unrequited love. Unlike other bonds it isn’t shared. It is mine and mine alone. You don’t need a person to love them.”

I have found myself quite often on that cliff. Stuck. Waiting for someone to join me. Or help me reach the top. Then I realized, love is a mountain whose climb you have to go alone. And the final prize is not a person but that you simply survived. And I have.

You will climb that mountain as many times as your heart allows. But my professor once said that it is the mark of a brilliant artist to know when to stop. So I ask myself, if there is any need to go back again. You love for the sake of being in love and nothing more. If you can say, even just once, that yes I have loved, I believe that is enough.